With most of the world put on pause due to COVID-19, I– like many others– am not currently working.

I currently have no income– this situation scares me.

The threat of my basic needs being taken away frightens me the most. I feel anxious and out of control, consumed by a wave of panic like I don’t have “enough.”

In an effort to get my anxiety in check, I had to make some quick adjustments. I decided not to spend any money unless it was out of absolute necessity.

Every time I found myself wanting to buy something, I noticed an attached feeling of inadequacy. For example, I found a consistent underlying thought that ‘maybe if I had that thing I might be better or more loved in this situation.’

I have realized that this is a theme in my life in general, but right now it is especially noticeable.

So over the course of this past week, whenever a thought has entered my mind about how we “need” something I would ask “do we actually need this?” and if the answer was no, I would stop thinking about it immediately.

Somewhere in my subconscious, I am reaching for things outside myself to make me feel better. Or in yogic terms, I am looking for something to make me feel whole– as we all are, whether we realize it or not.

So as the days go by, these feelings continue to arise, but I have begun to notice how good it feels to simply be content with what I already have. I have found relief in giving myself permission to not care what I or anyone else does or does not have (hint hint to all those T.P. hoarders out there- you have enough).

This experience has already shown me how I am usually stuck in a mindset of lack and I am slowly seeing a glimpse of what it is like to live in abundance.

Although I may not have certain things, I’m able to notice all the things that I do have and how little I actually need to get by. Despite my lack of income at this moment, I am also being given an abundance in other ways.

I have connected with friends and family (virtually), carved out time to create things as a way to ease anxiety, allowed myself to rest, and simply allowed myself to enjoy life over the past few days.

My anxiety is slowly lifting and I continue to remind myself that nothing is permanent. I recognize that I am not alone in this– we are all in it together.

I keep hearing that this pause is here to help us become more aware– to notice things we otherwise may not have taken the time to notice.

[If you resonate with this, my advice is to take a moment to pause, breathe and notice your thoughts until you feel grounded. I have been using the mantra: I am safe for now.]

You may not be sitting in meditation for several hours a day, and you shouldn’t have to. Regardless, I still hope you are able to see that something good can come in this unanticipated pause.

If you find yourself relating to the feeling of not having enough, just remember there is no amount of “stuff” that can help fill your cup.

Instead of grasping, just stop, sit and be with what you are and what you already have.